Advice From Billionaires

Forbes magazine put together a list of advice from billionaires for recent graduates; however, I think it fully applies to everyone.  Some of the bits contradict (don't plan vs. plan your decades) but they're all pretty spot on.

Speak up and fight back.  (Michael Bloomberg)

Negativity is noise.  (Tory Burch)

Speak up anyway.  (Sheryl Sandburg)

Live each day as if it was your last.  (Steve Jobs)

From those to whom much is given, much is expected.  (Bill Gates)

We all need makeovers from time to time.  (Oprah Winfrey)

Never be the smartest person in the room.  (Michael Dell)

Don't stay down long.  (Michael Bloomberg)

Failure can be the foundation of success.  (JK Rowling)

Gifts are easy, choices are hard.  (Jeff Bezos)

It's easier if you do something you love.  (Mark Zuckerberg)

Don't have passion, have tenacity.  (Steve Ballmer)

Tackle big dreams, there's no competition.  (Larry Page)

Don't bother to have a plan.  (Eric Schmidt)

You can't be successful by being timid.  (Eli Broad)

Prepare for the unexpected.  (Pierre Omidyar)

Plan your decades.  (H. Ross Perot, Sr.)

Work like hell and advertise.  (Ted Turner)

Be contrarian and be right.  (Reid Hoffman)

Think for yourself.  (Carl Icahn)

The people around you matter.  (Steve Case)

Don't let the news get you down.  (Jerry Yang)

In other words:  Work hard,  be a good person, fight for what's right, don't be afraid of making waves or changes, surround yourself with smart people, and do something you find meaningful.  (MDG)

Yep, that sounds like what I've told my kids (and the kids I've mentored at work) all along.

Quick Tip: Flash freezing blueberries

We're just about to hit blueberry season in my area, and I love to stock up on them. Not only do I use them fresh, I flash freeze a bunch for use later in the year.

For those that don't know, flash freezing is super easy. Just simply wash the blueberries, remove any blemished berry or errant stem, dry them a bit (if you have a salad spinner, use it and you'll cut your drying time down to almost nothing!) Then just place them on a cookie sheet in a single layer and freeze until the berries are partially frozen and kind of firm (approx. 10 - 15 minutes.) Remove from freezer, place in freezer bags, label with contents & date frozen, and pop into your freezer.

That's it! Oh, and the best part? If you're baking muffins or making smoothies, you don't even have to defrost the berries. Just scoop out as many as needed and go. Doesn't get much easier than that! grin emoticon

This method can be used for almost any type of berry, too, so don't think if you see a great deal on strawberries, that you're stuck either with making jam or risk wasting the berries because you couldn't use them before they went bad.

Musings on Daughters Growing Up

Walking with DD#4 the other day, I went to grasp her hand while crossing a parking lot. In that moment, I realized how she no longer has "little girl" hands and that she is no longer my "little girl", that she's 9-1/2 years old and that she is growing up. I'm not sure I'm ready for that.

I think I'm going to miss the "little girl" stage of my kids' development the most. This is when it's still okay to hold Mom's hand, bedtime snuggles are required (to ward off bad dreams), and they're not embarrassed to hug and/or kiss Mom in public. They start showing some independence... but still need Mom nearby "just in case." Where they can't wait to tell you everything they did during the day and are proud to read a bedtime story to you, instead of just letting you read to them. The only clothing battles are when they want to wear capri pants when it's snowing outside or when they insist on wearing the same pair of black leather "motorcycle" boots every day, no matter how warm outside. (Our current battle - lol.)

The next stage, where DD#3 is securely ensconced, is "pre-teen girl". It's a source of mood swings, eye rolls if Mom even tries to hold their hand, battles over why I refuse to buy her ripped jeans or tops with skinny spaghetti straps (because they won't pass the school's dress codes), or how it's the *end of the world* because I still won't let my almost 12 year old have a Facebook account even though "EVERYONE ELSE at school has one."

Oh, don't get me wrong. This stage still needs Mom but mainly it's because she needs help with her unruly wavy hair or she needs a ride to after-school activities or a shoulder to cry on when she's feeling left out because two of her friends hung out without her. But it's not as needy as the "little girl" stage.

This is the stage where independence starts showing up. I mean, it's not as bad as "teen girl" stage, where you really have to learn to pick your battles, nor as bad as "young adult woman" stage (DD#1 and #2 are here), where you bite your tongue, hope that you raised them right and that they'll use the moral compass you helped them develop to make the right choices. And if they don't? Well, you have to be there, NOT say "I told you so!", help them pick up the pieces and muddle through. However, no matter how much you want to, you can't be the one to "fix" their problems. They have to do the fixing by themselves.

And that, my friends, is the hardest part of parenting for me. Recognizing that, even though I will always see them as those tiny little bundles of joy and wonder brought home from the hospital all those years ago, they are independent young women. That they are now independent, capable, strong, smart, fierce young women. (And sitting in disbelief that I actually had something to do with that!)

In addition to dealing with the end of "little girl" years and DD#3's "pre-teen girl" issues, I also have DD#1 finishing up her second year of college and DD#2 her first year. DD#2 just returned from her first vacation with her boyfriend and his family (they're been dating almost 3 years now) and she's working full time for the summer. This weekend, DD#1 will be leaving to spend the entire summer with her bio-dad (my ex-husband) approx. 1,500 miles away.

In June, DD#3 & #4 will be away for a week of sleep-away summer camp. That will be the first time in a VERY long time that I'll be completely child-free (DD#2 will be working and spending every free moment with her boyfriend, while she contemplates transferring to a school halfway across the country, away from us and him.)

It'll be as close to an "empty nest" as I've had in the almost 20 years since I've become a parent. I'm not sure what to do. I mean, it'll be nice having time alone with DH (and the dog) but not having to make breakfasts or pack lunches for anyone other than us. Not having to play "Mom Taxi" for a week. It being okay if I don't want to cook dinner and, instead, have a bowl of oatmeal with a piece of fruit. While I'm thinking about it, what *do* people my age do, when they don't have kids under foot?

I'm sure I'm going to miss the chaos that is my normal, everyday life. I'm thinking that that particular week will be a sneak-peek of what my life will evolve into in about 9 years, when DD#4 starts college, DD#3 will be a senior in college, DD#2 and DD#1 will (hopefully) both be on their own and not living with Mom and Dad. (Yes, I know DD#1 is an art major and there's a pretty good chance that she may still be living with us. But let me just "go" with this one, okay? lol) We're in the single digit years until all this happens and that is a scary thought.

In the meantime, I'm going to check up on my sleeping little girls and my older girls, who are just hanging out and getting ready for sleep. Soon enough, I won't be able to do this with as much ease as today, when I can just walk down the hall to their rooms. I'm going to enjoy this while I can.

Amazed

Holy Cow!  First off, let me say I’m amazed.  Two really awesome Facebook groups linked to posts of mine and, well, my Facebook page more than DOUBLED our followers/”likers” in less than 24 hours!  I’m still stunned.  J

I’m also amazed, in a different way, at how fast this summer is going by.  In a little over a week, DD#1 will be back home from her 3 weeks in FL with her bio-dad.  My other 3 DD’s are all back from their week at summer camp.  Oh, and DD#1 forwarded me an email discussing her college orientation (one month from yesterday.)  How did this happen?  Weren’t we just scheduling DD#1’s high school senior portraits?  And now we’re packing her up to move… and scheduling DD#2’s high school senior portrait session and finding time to buy all the back to school stuff needed before school starts again on August 21^st.  Is there a “slow motion” button I can hit, so these next 4 weeks slow down to an absolute crawl?  I want more time with my kids.  We haven’t even been to the beach (granted, it’s been raining and/or in the low 70s for an obscene amount of time this summer) or had one of our annual outdoor picnics yet this year.  DD’s #3 & 4 haven’t had a lemonade stand yet. 

I’m also amazed (in a bad way) at how much I’ve spent on my car this summer.  Without going into too much detail, what started off as needing new wheel bearings lead to needing a new (rebuilt) transmission which lead to needing a new (rebuilt) engine.  I’m so sick of feeling like we’re hemorrhaging cash. 

And now I’m amazed that tonight is the first night of DD#3’s cheerleading practices for the fall season.  Whoa!  There go my weeknights for the next month and my weekends until October.  I love that she loves doing it, and that DD#2 is her squad’s junior advisor, but it does take up a bit of time and it’s yet another reminder that school is starting in 3 weeks… and DD#1 moves away to college in 4 weeks… and that I’m getting older.

*sigh*

I should be happy, as I LOVE early fall.  It’s my favorite time of the year.  Seriously.  I love when it starts getting chilly enough to wear a sweater and I can pull tights and my favorite boots out of the closet.  When I can make a huge batch of beef stew or chili and it won’t cause the A/C to kick on in the house.  When I don’t have to shave my legs every damned day.  (Hey, just being honest!) 

Oh well, life goes on.  Gotta learn to relax and enjoy.  And now I’m off to cheerleading.  Catch you all later!

Rock Bottom (An extremely personal and hard post to write)

I was debating on ever actually writing this post but, well, I guess it's all pretty common knowledge (to those who know me in person, that is.)  Today is my 7 year "sober-versary."  For those who don't know, your "sober-versary" is the anniversary of the day you get clean and sober.  In my case, I'm a recovering binge alcoholic.  Actually, I'm a major depressive (and a whole bunch other things) who used alcohol (plus my prescription medications) to self-medicate.  Seven years ago tonight, I was at the absolute bottom in terms of my life.  I had to look up to see grass and dirt, I was that far down.  I was in the middle of a major depressive cycle and it came around fast.  In less than 4 weeks, I went from being my usual self to being someone I didn't recognize and, honestly, someone I didn't like.  I thought life really wasn't worth living and planned out yet another suicide attempt (I've lost count of how many times I had tried in the past.)  This time, though, I was hell-bent on not getting caught ahead of time.  I spent those last 4 weeks to plan and to make sure I appeared as "normal" as possible, so my loved ones wouldn't figure out something was wrong and interfere.

Well, June 29th arrived and I knew this was going to be it.  DH and I had plans to go out with a bunch of friends (we were celebrating the publishing of a friend of mine's book), my oldest 2 DD's were away at summer camp, and my oldest niece was babysitting the younger 2.  DH and I went out and I intentionally had way too much drink, went home after that lovely evening, and swallowed half a month's prescription of Oxycodone, left over from when I had my tubes tied after DD#4 was born 7 months before.  Long story short, DH realized something was wrong when I wouldn't answer his knock on our bathroom door and I ended up in the hospital, enduring 2 rounds of that nasty charcoal slushy stuff, and finding out I had a .42 BAC.  Because of my background and the fact it was a rather serious attempt, I spent a week (involuntarily at first) getting "help".  During that time, I realized that I came from a long line of depressive alcoholics (my father, in particular) and if I didn't want to end up like him (emotionally detached from loved ones and dead of a heart attack at 53), well, I had some work to do.  I used that week to detox from alcohol, accept the fact I am a binger, and that I needed a lot more psychiatric care than I ever thought possible.  With the help of an amazing therapist (and a psychiatrist who loved to write prescriptions - let's just say that I was more than happy to replace her) and an unbelievably loving husband, I was able to pull through.  I learned that, while I could say "no" to the first drink with no problem, being unable to say "no" to drinks #2, 3, 4, ... 10 was a problem.  I chose to get sober. I had to face my demons without my trusty vodka shots and Scotch on the rocks with a beer chaser.  But I faced them.  And they were scary.  And horrible.  And terrifying.  But I did it.  And you know what?  I survived.

If I had succeeded 7 years ago, I would never have seen so many wonderful things.  Like DD#1 graduating from high school and heading off to start her life as an amazing young adult, DD#2 being the ONLY girl in her PSEO construction management program (and seriously kicking butt, at that!), DD#3 going from being a toddler to being a tween-age carbon copy of my late mother, DD#4 growing from an infant to a really cool and amazing 7 year old, and DH being his usual wonderful self (and quitting smoking, which was HUGE for him!)  I would have missed out on so much good that it makes me feel guilty.  Then I remember that I have major depressive disorder and I really can't control how or when it's going to hit me, and that isn't my fault.  My brain is wired a little different than others and I have to work a little harder to be "normal" (or as close to normal as I'm willing to get.  lol)

While I would love to celebrate such a bittersweet day with a nice glass of pinot grigio, I know I'm not able to just enjoy one glass and it's just not worth it.  So I'll settle for a scoop of sea salt caramel gelato and a glass of Diet Pepsi and enjoy the fact that I'm here.  I may not be perfect and I may still have lots of issues to work though, but I'm here and I'm not alone.  I have DH, the girls, my friends and my family to keep me going.  And that's all I really need.  I need to believe that tomorrow's going to be better than the day before if only because I'm still here.  And despite what that nasty bitch "depression" tells me, I mean a whole lot to a lot of people and that I'm needed and loved.  Some days are better than others, naturally, but it's okay.  I'm going to get through it.

Here's to us survivors.  It gets better.

Mary

I've Turned Into George Banks (and I'm Pretty Sure That's Not a Good Thing)

When did everything get so expensive?  I'm serious here.  DH & I make a decent living, we don't live beyond our means, I don't have flashy jewelry or buy only designer clothing, DH doesn't have expensive hobbies... but it seems everything is so expensive nowadays.  We were wondering what we could afford to do this summer as a "last family vacation" before DD#1 leaves for college and OMG.  Everything's outrageously priced.  And that got me thinking.  $14k for 9 months in a dorm.  $800 for a 2 night stay (midweek) at Cedar Point.  Being excited when I saw gas was under $3.60 a gallon.  When did all this obsessing over the cost of things happen?  And then it dawned on me...

I've become the female equivalent of George Banks from the remake of the "Father of the Bride" movies.

While I'd normally be flattered to have anyone say I'm the female Steve Martin, I'm not sure this is the character or persona with which I want to be compared.  I mean, George is funny, loves his family, and really means well but he's also overly neurotic and a tightwad.  Actually, while I'm thinking of it, when did I become obsessed with how much I spend?  There was a time (before children) when I thought nothing of paying more than $200 a pair of shoes.  (Don't ask me how much my Christian Dior black suede pumps cost.  I'm still having nightmares about that one, even though I got over 15 years of wear out of them.)  Then... children came along.  And all my disposable income went towards stuff for them.  Musical instruments, cheerleading uniforms, soccer cleats, new eyeglasses, summer camp, school fundraisers, and more.  It's amazing how quick these little expenditures add up!

I swear I was on the verge of re-enacting the "hot dogs and hot dog buns" scene from "FotB" (you know, where George flips out about having to buy a package of 12 hot dog buns for 8 hot dogs and that he's not going to pay for one extra thing he doesn't need) when looking at potential vacation spots.  Why do I have to pay for a ride ticket for me at Cedar Point when there's no chance I'm going on any rides (thanks to the stupid pinched nerve in my back)?  Why can't I just get a pass to allow me to stay in the hotel and have access to walk around the park, watching my kids go on rides?  Why do I have to pay for ONE MORE THING I DON'T NEED?

Man, if I'm freaking out about this stuff now, what will I be like when the girls start getting married?  Will I be arguing about an Armani "nuffy-blue tuxado" the morning of?  Will I be offering to build a grandstand at the church for throngs of people to watch but steadfastly refuse to allow more than 150 guests at the reception?  I can only hope I wouldn't be tacky and rude enough to snoop through their future in-laws' desks, then break a mirror in their bathroom.  But, then again, I'm pretty sure George Banks wasn't intending to do that either.

Maybe I should just go to sleep and forget about vacations, money, Steve Martin movies from the '90s.  Perhaps I should be grateful I'm not turning into Freddy from "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels."  Of course, this could all just be a sign that I need to drive to Pittsburgh on July 1st to see Steve perform with Edie Brickell and The Steep Canyon Rangers at Heinz Hall.

C'est la vie.

Life Lessons for My (Almost) 18 Year Old Daughter

Tomorrow, DD#1 turns 18 years old and in about two months, she leaves for college in NYC.  Wow.  Just saying that sentence raises all sorts of conflicting feelings.  I’m sad she’s leaving home but happy that she’s going to her first choice college.  I’m mad that she’ll be 500 miles away from home but thrilled she will still be surrounded by family and friends.  I’m afraid that she’ll get hurt and I won’t be there but I believe in the strong, confident young woman she’s become.

I was thinking earlier what advice I could give her about going out on her own.  What could I say that would encourage and inspire her to reach for her dreams and make them a reality?  After much consideration, I came up with the following:

Every morning, think of five things you’re grateful for and remember them.  They can be something as silly as the deli always having your favorite bagel with cream cheese in the morning or as profound as knowing you have enough money to guarantee you’ll eat (and caring enough about the homeless people on the sidewalk outside the deli that you can – and do – spare a dollar for them every now and then.)

Perform one random act of kindness a day.  Maybe wait a few seconds longer and hold the door open for someone with a lot of stuff in their arms.  Perhaps send someone an email or text letting them know how much they mean to you.  Maybe buy the person in line behind you a cup of coffee.  Just send out one beautiful random act a day.  You’ll make someone else’s day a little brighter, and you’ll be amazed at how much better it makes you feel.

Eat well.  Seriously.  Don’t result on crappy take-out, especially when you live in a city with some of the world’s best restaurants.  Remember that a little taste of something amazing is much better than a lot of something “average”.

Exercise.  I know you’ll be walking everywhere but take half an hour (or more) a day and really work up a sweat.  It’ll eventually become a habit and you’ll thank me when you are in your 40s and your metabolism slows down to a snail’s pace.  (Not that I know anything about that… lol)

Relax, meditate, pray, practice yoga, whatever for 10 minutes a day.  It’ll help you manage the stress you are bound to be experiencing.

Enjoy the good weather.  Walk in the sun.  Sit out and watch the sunset.  Grab an umbrella and walk in the rain, splash in the puddles.

Don’t wait until you know who you are to get started in life.  Most people don’t figure that out until they’re too old to change.  Just jump in with both feet!

Write the book you want to read.  Don't just passively get by.  Take charge of your life and LIVE IT on your terms.

If you don’t like the way something’s going, change it.  Write your own ending.  Remember, the children almost broken by what life throws them become the adults who are most capable of changing the world.

Use your hands.  Make bread, work with clay, whatever… don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty or that you’ll chip your manicure.

If and when you are part of a relationship, remember that you don’t have to do everything together.  It’s healthy to still have those little side projects and hobbies that don’t involve your significant other.

Want to know a big secret that’ll help you get far in life?  Do good work.  Be proud of it.  Own it.  And share it with other people.

Be nice.  The world’s a pretty small place and bad reputations tend to follow people wherever they move.

It’s okay to be boring.  You’ll actually get work done and life’s pretty enjoyable without all the drama that comes with living an “exciting” life.

Get some sleep. 

Take pride in your appearance and your surroundings.  Whether we like it or not, people form opinions on you based on how you look.  Taking 5 minutes every morning to make sure your clothes aren't completely wrinkled, your hair is brushed and your face is washed helps.  Keep your workspace neat.  It’s easier to find things when they’re put back where they belong.

Learn how to say “no” and to not be everyone’s door mat.  Don’t let people walk all over you.

Laugh.  A lot.  Find the humor in bad situations.  It might make all the difference in how you handle the issue.

When confronted with a big problem, think:  Will this matter in 10 years?  1 year?  A month?  An hour?  Keep things in perspective.

Don’t waste your energy on the wrong people.  Focus on the people who make you happy and like you for being you.  Be someone’s reason to smile.  But don’t give your heart to just anyone.  It’s better to be single instead of repeatedly having your heart broken by “the wrong ones.” 

Know who you are and what you want in life, and don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve.

Remember your sisters were your first friends in life and will always be the ones who have your back.

And, most of all, remember you are loved.  You have graced my life and made it all the more wonderful these past 18 years, and I am thankful that I get to call myself your mom.  While I’m going to miss you being at the table and having to yell at you to take your headphones off or reminding you to put in your retainers before going to sleep at night, I am so excited to watch you soar.  It’s time for me to step back because, well, honey, you’ve got this.

Love,

Mom

PS:  And to quote Jason Mraz, “Just know, that wherever you go, no you’re never alone, you will always get back home.”