Simplify

Nine years ago this month, DH and I made the decision to move from the suburbs of NYC to the suburbs of Cleveland.  We just decided that we could not afford (financially, spiritually, mentally) to live the life we wanted in that part of the country.  For the “perk” of being able to say we lived in Greenwich, CT (our hometown, actually), we would have to continue working an obscene number of hours (in my case, it was anywhere between 50 and 70 hours a week at “salary” – a/k/a no paid overtime), never seeing each other as our work schedules didn’t completely mesh,  and just not having the time/energy/money to do anything on the days we both were off from work.  Plus the kids were either at school or with the nanny.  They definitely weren’t having fun.

So we decided, "Let's move to a different area!"  An area where I could (and did) take several years off from work and raise our kids.  An area where DH could putter around in the garden and enjoy the property we had.  (Did I mention that our previous back and front yards put together were smaller than our current house’s front yard?)  An area where our kids would end up with friends all over the block.  The town we picked, Mentor, was chosen because my father’s company had transferred my family out there for several years when I was growing up and I “knew” the area.  It’s actually still a surprise at how fast it all came together.  We bought the second house we saw on our first trip out here, and closed on it in less than 8 weeks.  We decided our family needed a simpler, more relaxed lifestyle and living here was going to do that for us.  I even bought a rustic rectangular painting of the word “Simplify” for our new home, to remind me (and us) that we were going to simplify our lives.

DH and DD’s #1, 2, and 3 (#4 wasn’t born yet) adjusted almost immediately.  Me?  The one who actually spent a good chunk of my childhood here, it took a while longer.  I began to miss being able to hop a train and be in NYC in 45 minutes, even though I hated working there.  I missed the ocean, even though I hardly went to the beach for fear of yet another horrid sunburn.  I missed good bagels, hard rolls, pizza, and being able to find a 24 hour deli or diner every couple of blocks, even though it had been years since I had a 3:00am breakfast after a crazy night out with friends.

While I truly enjoyed being home with my kids, it took a long period of adjustment for me to get to that point.  I have worked since three days after my 16^th birthday.  The longest periods I had taken off were maternity leaves after having DD’s #1, 2, and 3.  Heck, I even worked from home (with an “at the time state of the art” 14.4 baud modem!) after having DD #1!  I didn’t know what to do with myself.  I threw myself into volunteering (school, Girl Scouts, church, etc.), Gymboree, and hosting “craft days” on days off from school with a huge slew of neighborhood kids (which I TOTALLY loved -and miss- doing!)  DH came home every night to a nice dinner, a fairly organized home, and happy kids.  But not a happy wife.  Why?  What happened to “simplify”?  What about all those articles and books I read, toting how amazing a simpler life would and could be?  My life was perfect… and I still wasn’t happy.  Why, indeed?

After several years of therapy (I have major depressive disorder and a bunch of other issues that I won’t bore you with… today), I realized that I somehow tied my feeling of worth to receiving a paycheck.  WTF?!?  I was doing the most important job of my life, tending to my family, and I was having trouble finding worth in it?  What was wrong with me?  My therapist encouraged me to go back to work and, quite frankly, not only did I need to work for an emotional level, we were really hitting the point where I had to, from a financial level, as well.  (I have always been the primary breadwinner and, lucky me, DH doesn’t have a problem with that!)  Unfortunately, after being home for a couple of years, plus my “network” was 500 miles away, it wasn’t that easy.  I couldn't even get an interview with Macy's because my college education made me "too qualified".  Eventually, though, I lucked into an amazing job that actually WANTS me to have a healthy work/life balance.  One that understands I have priorities outside of the four walls of my office.  By taking a step back and sideways, careerwise, I could get "me" back.  And even though I may get stressed and annoyed by work (like this week, where I’m covering for another co-worker and having to do two jobs when all I want to do is be home with my kids, since DD#1 returned home last night!), I’m grateful for it. 

So how does “simplify” fit into all this?  Easy.  By cutting my workload in half and getting away from a fairly toxic lifestyle, DH and I have had the best years of our marriage.  My kids get to see me and have a less exhausted and very happy mom.  I get to enjoy being able to put the brakes on life and enjoy.  Like Ferris said in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, “Life moves pretty fast.  If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”  That, in my mind, is the definition of “simplify.”  Stopping to smell the roses… and maybe pick one or two to enjoy later.

Now I’m going to have lunch with one of my wonderful coworkers and enjoy my beautiful, simple life.

Cheers!

Mary

PS:  Did you know that Zabar’s ships via UPS?  And that hard rolls from Neri’s (Port Chester, NY) freeze rather well, so you can bring home several dozen each trip back east, to enjoy at your leisure?  Oh, and that Mentor has a really good Italian import store (Verdi’s) with fantastic sausage & pepper wedges… uh, I mean “subs”?  (No one outside of the metro NYC area seems to know what a wedge is.  *sigh*)  Life is simply better here.